With your permisson, I would like to commission the forming of a Chicago based team. I beleive we have the ability and desire for the Science that could be of great usefullness to you. And more importantly we have a lot of cool gear and time on our hands.

The only thing we need is your accreditation.

I’ve heard strange cries from out my window as of late. Tonight I intend to follow them to the source, which I beleive shall be some form of orifice into the ground.

If you do not hear from me soon, do not come looking, begin mourning.

Your Brother, Always.

Now as much as I, like any full-blooded, patriotic, meat-eating man, enjoy incinerating an adversary with a flame thrower, the high cost of gas, and rising temperatures towards the center of the earth suggest to me that torching these giant mutant penises is just impractical.

My feeling is that the field team should immediately stock up on cheap vases. The following website http://www.holstens.com.au/index.php?section=catalogue&id=46 has a wide range of shapes available to suit the unsuspecting necks of a wide range of creatures. At one vase per creature though, the field team and I will require thousands of them.

I would like to formally put in a request for funding to cover a team of young, lithe, preferably ethnic boys to function as vase caddies. They would carry the vases in huge wicker baskets strapped to their backs and would be trained to quickly present the right vase for the right situation.

We of the WDA Field Team will NOT be buds with CHUDS.